Why am I Insecure?

Insecurity is a state of being uncertain, facing anxiety, and lacking self-confidence in one or more areas of one’s life. It is the inner feeling of being threatened and/or inadequate in some way.

It affects more than just the surface, it is a deeply rooted issue which can make a person completely question everything about themselves, others and their world.

It could have started at the places that seem so very natural and normal, like not being picked to be someone’s teammate, or being told something offhanded about our appearance, but it left an impact on us.

How can insecurity develop?

Our human brains hold onto the negative things more than to the positive things. Due to a human survival mechanism called negativity bias which was designed to be able to remember danger and help us to avoid dangerous and harmful situations. But this very needed aspect meant to protect us can become the same thing that causes us harm. Why? Because of the mind to brain connection.

The mind comprehends what happened and then the brain catches up. The part of the brain that is responsible for this negativity bias, the amygdala, doesn’t know how to differentiate between reactions due to actual danger and basic human emotions.

So if the mind has decided that an experience was worth negative emotions arising in a person, the amygdala saves the situation in the brain as a high level of danger.

It was less common for this to affect daily living when there was no social media, but with it and the constant flowing of all the highlight reels of peoples’ lives, it has gotten much more drastic.

For example, there might be a very small negative emotion that arises when a person compares their life to what they’ve seen, which the unrenewed mind perceives as is and allows for the amygdala to save in the brain as danger. So next time the person tries to use social media, the brain of the person is much more sensitive to the possibility of the negative emotions. So, if it even senses a slight pattern, the signals of it being dangerous gets sent to the mind which, if not worked on, would tell the amygdala to keep storing this as a dangerous thing. Then the person does the same comparing and shying away in real life, this keeps happening without the fully conscious efforts of the person until the idea of going outside their home where they “will not measure up to others or their lives” will make them get super anxious and they might not leave home or will put so much out of the way effort into their appearance and/or life before going out for interaction. If even a minute thing happens outside, their brain grasps onto that and strengthens these strongholds, due to it being conditioned to be sensitive to this danger by the unrenewed mind.

This connection of functioning leading to insecurity isn’t a problem as it was something that we have been blessed with, it is just that the filtering system for what gets categorized by the mind into being dangerous is unrenewed and needs to be worked on.

What is happening in the mind and brain in these situations where the mind is not renewed?

• The mind starts prioritizing negative thoughts: So even if the situation seems to have a lot of positives, it will only focus on the negative and affect the whole experience and the decisions made with regards to the situation in the brain.
• The mind filters information: It firmly grasps on only to the negative and lets the positive slip away until there is nothing positive that the brain remembers from the event.
• It reinterprets the positive feedback: Until even the positive aspects get turned into negatives in the brain.
• The mind allows for the creation of an emotional memory: which is where there are a bunch of negative perceptions which get stored in the brain as emotions itself making the brain’s emotional centers react always like those events are still happening.

There are many possible issues that can be caused when the brain is being affected like this. Such as:

• Perfectionism
• Self-doubt
• Decreased confidence
• Lowered self-worth and esteem
• Avoiding trying new things
• Negative self-talk
• Excessive comparison
• Approval and validation seeking
• Fear of rejection and criticism
• Defensiveness/overapologizing
• Overcompensation/overconfidence
• Social anxiety and withdrawal
• Difficulty making decisions
• Relationship issues

Why am I insecure?

There can be various reasons as to why a person may be insecure, like we had discussed in our previous section. But, finding out why you specifically are insecure is an internal journey that requires a level of introspection.

Understanding the why behind your insecurities helps give a great starting point for us to be able to change.

The process of overcoming negative thoughts and feelings associated to specific insecurities includes the following:

• Becoming conscious of your thoughts with regards to specific insecurity filled situations.
• Paying attention to the emotions arising from the thought in the situation.
• Continuing to be mindful of the thoughts and emotions related to different situations.
• Making a note of the patterns of negative thoughts and emotions.
• Going beyond the pattern of negative thoughts and emotions during various situations to identify how they affect our behaviours (such as avoidance, negative self-talk, etc.).
• Try to change your thoughts in the specific negative situations to focus on the positive truths about the situation (Phil 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.)
• Take help from people who are supportive and caring, such as family or close friends.
• If that doesn’t work, or if at any point you need professional guidance, please seek professional help who are available to provide a safe space to help you through this. Insecurity can be at varying levels of different people. If you feel insecurities affecting your daily life and being able to live your fullest life, seeking professional help would be extremely helpful.

The process of insecurity is necessary for a person but the way it manifests in your life is not something you need to let into your life or handle on your own. In the section, we will see practical steps of how one can deal with their insecurities.

References:

• Gupta, S. (2024, May 8). Why am I so insecure? Causes and coping strategies. Verywell Mind.
• Larsen, M. C. (2022). Social media insecurities in everyday life among young adults – an ethnography of anonymous Jodel disclosures. Nordisk tidsskrift for pedagogikk og kritikk, 8, 298–313.