Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse, characterized by harmful words and destructive communication, can have an intense effect and impact on an individual’s mental health. It may manifest in insults, threats, constant criticisms, and manipulations, leaving deep psychological scars. It may happen in homes, schools and colleges, workplaces and in the community you may be in. It's not just merely using hurtful words; it's more of a systematic pattern of behavior that tends to undermine a person’s self worth and emotional stability. Victims of verbal abuse may often find themselves in places where they feel consistently demeaned. The American Psychological Association highlights that verbal aggression can lead to a variety of psychological problems, including anxiety and depression. Verbal abuse can take various forms - Insults and name-calling, Yelling and Screaming, Manipulation - using guilt or shame to control someone’s feelings or actions, and Gaslighting - Causing a person to doubt their perceptions or reality.

Proverbs 18:21: "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Matthew 12:36-37: "But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

The Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death, and we are held accountable for every word that we speak. In contrast, scripture encourages the use of words for building others up, as seen in Ephesians 4:29, which admonishes us not to let unwholesome talk come out of our mouths. The Bible emphasizes that our speech reflects our hearts (Matthew 12:34). When individuals engage in verbal abuse, they often reveal deeper issues such as anger, insecurity, or unresolved conflict. Understanding the biblical view of communication encourages us to reflect on how we speak to others and the lasting impact our words can have.

There is a profound psychological impact of Verbal Abuse. Long term effects potentially include low self-esteem, trust issues, emotional dysregulation and social isolation due to fear of judgment from other people, and may withdraw from social interactions. Verbal Abuse may also lead to negative schemas (things that shape one’s understanding of the world and how they perceive their worth) about oneself , and may end up in a cycle of emotional distress and negative self-talk. They may also go through emotional dysregulation where the victims would have difficulty managing emotions, and can result in outbursts, irritability, or withdrawal.

Verbal abuse can also trigger a range of responses in the victim - cognitive dissonance: Victims may struggle to reconcile their abuser’s negative words with their self-image, leading to internal conflict, and at times may downplay the abuse, learned helplessness: continuous exposure to verbal abuse can lead victims to believe they have no control over their situation, resulting in apathy and resignation, and possibly, internalized shame: repeated negative messages can cause victims to internalize feelings of shame, leading to depression and social withdrawal.

The Bible offers examples of how harmful speeches can cause profound impact on a person’s life:

Job faced significant verbal abuse from his friends, who instead of offering support, belittled his suffering. Their words added to his pain and isolation, demonstrating how even well-meaning friends can cause harm through unkind words.

King Saul was deeply affected by the harmful words of others, particularly after hearing the women sing that David had slain tens of thousands. This led to jealousy and a desire to harm David, showcasing how speech can ignite destructive emotions.

Conversely, Jesus’ ministry is replete with examples of affirming language. He spoke words of comfort, healing, and encouragement to those who were marginalized and oppressed. This contrast serves as a reminder of the potential for words to heal and uplift.

Healing from Verbal Abuse:

There are different ways one can heal from verbal abuse, the first being learning, identifying and challenging the negative thought patterns which may have affected your perception of yourself, and facilitate healthier self-perceptions. These negative thought patterns may be in the form of all-or-nothing thinking: viewing oneself as completely worthless or entirely capable based on the abuser’s feedback, personalisation: believing that negative remarks are entirely reflective of personal failings. catastrophizing: assuming the worst outcomes from situations, which can lead to increased anxiety and avoidance.

Engage in social circles who can provide validation and encouragement of who you really are. Fostering a supportive community is crucial; as it is reminded in Proverbs 27:17,"as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Surrounding oneself with encouraging, positive influences can combat the negative effects of verbal abuse. Meditating in God’s word on who He says you really are can help build resilience towards the negative comments and abuses. Forgiveness is also vital in being able to move on and let go of what the abuser has said. Practicing self-compassion helps the victim realize that they are more than what the abuser has been telling them. Positive self-talk can counteract the negative messages absorbed during experiences of verbal abuse. Establishing healthy boundaries is essential for recovery. Victims must learn to identify and communicate their limits, protecting themselves from further harm. This process often requires guidance from therapists or trusted mentors.

Verbal abuse is a significant issue that can have devastating effects on individuals’ mental health. Emphasizing the power of affirming speech, engaging in therapeutic practices, and fostering supportive communities are essential steps toward reclaiming one’s sense of worth and hope.

The journey toward healing may be long and challenging, but it is one that leads toward restoration and a renewed sense of identity. Through community support, therapeutic strategies, and spiritual guidance, individuals can move beyond the pain of verbal abuse, embracing a future marked by resilience and empowerment. The biblical call to love one another (1 John 4:7) serves as a reminder that our words and actions can be instruments of healing and encouragement, paving the way for a life free from the shadows of verbal abuse.

(All information in this article is Public Domain)

References:

• APA Dictionary of Psychology. (n.d.).
• Ackerman, Courtney. “Cognitive Distortions: When Your Brain Lies to You .” PositivePsychology.com, 29 Sept. 2017, positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/.
• Kelly, Aaron. “Why Breaking Free from Abusive Relationships Is a Complex Journey.” @Counselling_UK, Counselling Directory, 22 May 2023,