Loneliness, solitude, and social isolation, symptoms of loneliness and how to help someone who is feeling lonely

Loneliness is the state of mind of being alone, unwanted or empty. It can be experienced at varying levels and throughout different ages due to a variety of possible reasons.

It can be temporary which, when not directed properly, can become long-term and can negatively affect the life of the person.

There is a mental state of loneliness and there is solitude which one can choose that tends to often get confused with loneliness.

How to know if you are in solitude or experiencing loneliness?

Solitude is a voluntary choice. People who choose solitude are able to develop and maintain good relationships. They enjoy the time they spend on their own and can put a pause on that to return to their social lives. Switching between the two lifestyles almost seamlessly.

Solitude can actually help with strengthening and improving mental health.

Solitude can lead to self-realization,creativity,and is usually enjoyed. (Mark 1:35: "Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed".)

People who are experiencing loneliness, on the other hand, are full of involuntary feelings of being alone, empty, isolated and unwanted which completely affects them so much that they are not able to develop new relationships or maintain the old ones. Loneliness has a lot of negative impacts on mental and physical health. Loneliness can affect the person physically, mentally and relationally.

But not everyone who seems to be isolated and experiencing any negative emotion is considered to be experiencing loneliness.

There is another experience that could be taken for loneliness: Social isolation.

Social isolation is a state of being physically separated from other people. There is little to no contact or support from other people. Social isolation can even be a choice but it is done with an intention to escape, avoid or numb unpleasant thoughts, beliefs and experiences, unlike those who choose to opt for solitude. This can make negative thoughts and beliefs about self, experience and others worse. Social isolation can be due to life changes like moving to a different country, physical and/or mental health issues like cancer or depression, situational factors like living alone, societal issues like language barriers, or personal traits like introversion, or age like the elderly, being part of a minority like immigrants, etc. (The Samaritan woman at the well was socially isolated by the society due to her marital situation.)

With loneliness, it is an involuntary feeling of being alone even if surrounded by people physically. It is a want for and a lack of deep meaningful connection with people, even if it is a few people only and not a huge group.

Possible causes for loneliness can be social isolation, low self-esteem, digital age, mental health issues, life transitions, life situations (poverty, family issues, loss of a family member), or certain milestones (marriage, divorce, changing careers, moving etc), world events (wars, covid, widespread viruses), lack of social skills, loss of friendship, loss of a loved one. (Job was filled with a sense of loneliness due to his life situations. His friends and wife came, but despite them being there, and their seeming support, Job could tell that it was fake, shallow and snide, which added to his feelings of loneliness during a time of difficulty)

Solitude and social isolation can be seen and recognised easily. But, loneliness is difficult to notice because the symptoms tend to be subtle and the fact that those experiencing loneliness can be surrounded with people and can seem happy.

The way loneliness can manifest in a person’s life can be as follows:

• Sleep cycle, libido, energy and eating habits are affected
• Poor self-care and hygiene
• Difficulty making decisions
• Problematic behaviors, such as excessive shopping, binge watching tv shows/movies, or turning to substances
• Body produces a lot of stress hormones which can have their own effects
• Fatigue, body pains and weakened immunity
• Loss of self-esteem and behaviors of social withdrawal
• Increased sensitivity to social rejection and a loss of interest on social inclusion
• An increased feeling of being misunderstood and that they don’t belong
• Extreme anxiety, restlessness and stress
• Depressive and anti-social symptoms
• Increased risk of developing self-harming tendencies, suicidal ideation and a desire to attempt suicide.
• Cognitive and memory issues
• Increased risk of cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, arthritis, cholesterol, Alzheimer’s, dementia, and stroke

If you have noticed someone in your circle who might be experiencing loneliness:

• It would be good for you to reach out to them and schedule an activity they would enjoy, like a lunch outside or a game of badminton, so that their self esteem increases and they feel seen by you. (Jesus took the initiative to talk to the Samaritan woman by asking her for water. John 4:7-9)
• Continue to keep consistent communication. Check up on them whenever possible. If you have given a commitment, uphold it unless you absolutely can’t. (Jesus revealed Himself as the Messiah to the Samaritan woman. He was clear in His communication with her, instead of talking to her in parables. John 4:25-26)
• Engage with them in active listening to make them feel heard. Don’t listen to respond but listen to just listen. (The Samaritan woman at the well was approached by Jesus and He listened to her, answered her and engaged with her at a personal level. He recognized her need for deeper connection and living waters, by listening to her. John 4:10-14)
• Inculcate other people into this dynamic. Such as inviting this friend to hang out with you and your friends. You can do this in small doses. Starting with 2 friends and growing into more. (The Samaritan woman, empowered by the truth of who is in front of her, goes on to testify to others. John 4: 28-29)
• Encourage your friend to also branch out to other people. Reassure them that the feeling of loneliness and the anxiety of meeting people is a common experience. But they aren’t alone through it. Such as trying to join a class so that they can meet new people. (Just like the Samaritan woman went on to testify to the very people who forced her into isolation. Something that she would not have done if she didn’t encounter Jesus, feel heard, feel like she could trust people again. John 4: 28-29)
• Be patient. The pace at which your friend is overcoming their loneliness might seem much slower than what you would like. But, this is their journey of overcoming months, years, even decades of thoughts, beliefs and feelings. It will take time. Trying to speed it up could make them worse off than before. So be patient. Encourage your friend to take a step out of their comfort zone so that their zone grows. But don’t just throw them so far out that they can’t even see their comfort zone. (Jesus never pushed the Samaritan woman to do or say anything. He was just with her and the revelation of who He was helped her decide what to do. John 4)

Not every person being alone is feeling lonely, but knowing who needs it based on the signs their lives show, can help you to be there for them to the best of your abilities.

References:

• How to recognise and support someone who may be lonely. (n.d.). Samaritans.
• Social isolation and loneliness. (n.d.). American Cancer Society.
• The difference between loneliness and isolation | Marmalade Trust. (n.d.). Marmalade Trust.