I feel rejected. What does that mean?

Human beings were created by God to want connection. We were created with the intention of us spending eternity in connection with each other and with God. The early chapters of Genesis clearly tells us that God was in perfect within the trinity of God, meaning there was a harmonious relationship between God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit. So, when He still created mankind to bear His image, we were also created to want relationship.

He then created a woman to be a helper for man so that man isn't left to be alone. This shows we were meant for human connection. We can also see in Genesis that He walked on the earth and was in communication with man. This shows that we were created to be in connection with God.

Later on, the enemy deceives woman and man and this connection is harmed.

Despite that, throughout the bible we see human connection playing a huge role in the lives of people (Psalm 133:1 Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity!)(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.). So many one another commands are there in the Bible which further show God’s intention for a community oriented life for Christians (Love one another, encourage one another, pray for one another). God keeps using the connection with His people to save and connect with more of His people.

Due to Jesus’s sacrifice, we now have open access for connection with God. God is constant, unchanging and loving, so our only role is to press into that, and our connection keeps getting stronger and stronger.

Human connection on the other hand can require more effort. Different people have different life experiences, expectations, and thought processes. So understanding that takes a little practice.

While learning, if someone experiences a negative or indifferent outcome from the other person, it can hinder the process of building and maintaining connections with people.

A negative or indifferent outcome a person might experience in their efforts to build lasting connection is called rejection. A large amount of human interactions are based around the human desire to avoid rejection.

Acceptance and social connections bring out positive emotions in human beings because of our innate need to be a part of a community, and in the same way, the absence or threat to this integration into community via rejection brings forth various negative emotions. There has been various research showing that rejection lights up the same parts of the brain that physical pain lights up. So the pain from rejection isn’t just mental, it is very much physical too.

Another consequence of experiencing rejection is the development of numbness towards rejection and the idea of social connections. This is because there is a loss of control when a person experiences rejection. In order to restore this control that has been lost via rejection, one might turn to extra prosocial behaviors, such as pleasing people, or even turn to anti-social behaviors, such as withdrawing socially.

Rejection can occur due to a variance in the expectation of other people and one’s own behavior. If other people expect a certain kind of behavior from the person but the person behaves in a way that is contrary to or not aligning with the expectation, it can lead to rejection.

Rejection can also occur due to disobedience of social etiquette and standards. When a person behaves against the pre-existing social standards, it can make them seem untrustworthy, incompetent, and as a romantically unattractive partner. This can lead to them getting rejected.

Those who lack satisfying relationships with other people and experience rejection tend to face stress and stress induced issues, like physical illnesses, psychopathology, eating disorders, cardiovascular issues, PTSD, and suicidal ideations than their accepted counterparts. Rejection can predict strong psychological distress.

Rejection impacts a person so much due to an expectation or anticipation of acceptance which has been violated. There was a level of reasoning which made a person believe that acceptance was possible, making the rejection a surprising one.

There can be different reactions to rejection which can vary based on who they are getting rejected by, the kind of expectations they had, and the way the rejection progressed.

• Self esteem: When individuals get rejected, they could experience a drop in their self-esteem. It can have a greater impact when the rejection happens from a close social support group such as family or close friends or a partner. People who have been repeatedly rejected or ignored tend to develop lower self-esteem. It affects how one perceives self and also the level of belief that one might be chosen or accepted by others in the future, thus, distorting their views of social connections.
• Loneliness: Repeated rejections can also lead to loneliness due to the negative emotions that come from rejection and as they could withdraw socially and not build deep and meaningful social connections.
• Social anxiety: When a person gets repeatedly rejected and has experienced the negative emotions associated with that multiple times, it can cause the person to develop anxiety in relation to social relations and interactions. Thus, leading up to social anxiety. This social anxiety further affects their social group and can even lead to loneliness.
• Depression: Rejection, when occurring regularly and in routine social set ups, like schools or home, and can lead to very negative emotions. These negative emotions can chip away at a person’s hope and sense of worth. It can make them believe very negative things about themself, others and the world that they are a part of. These things, when allowed to fester, can lead to depressive symptoms in a person.
• Comparison and envy: Rejection in a specific area where others are being accepted or in correlation with someone else can lead to the development of comparison and envy issues in a person. They could end up nitpicking at themselves or trying to compete with another person who has been accepted and leading to the development of feelings of inadequacy.
• Differences in thought processes: When people get rejected, their mind is now functioning from a place of negative thinking of themself and/or others. There are a lot of negative emotions that arise from it. These negative emotions tend to affect the perspective of the person and the way that they think. This negative thinking then affects their behavior in the situation and with the people involved.
• Behavioral change: The behavior can become extremely closed off from people and the situation or they become so very open to the people who rejected them as they seek to earn acceptance through complacent behavior. People pleasing behaviors and social isolation of self are types of these behaviors. Their attachment styles may also get affected due to this. Their temperament is also affected because of it, people who have experienced a lot of rejection might behave a lot more aggressively than those who have faced more acceptance

There can be so many ways in which a person experiences and reacts to rejection, even subconsciously. It is important to notice these changes and work on it from the budding stages itself, in order to ensure that the changes don’t stay and hurt the person in the long run.

References:

• Beeri, A., & Lev‐Wiesel, R. (2011). Social rejection by peers: a risk factor for psychological distress. Child and Adolescent Mental Health, 17(4), 216–221.
• Bethel, R. (2025, June 23). We’re designed for connection, so what makes it so hard? iBelieve.com.
• DeWall, C. N., & Bushman, B. J. (2011). Social acceptance and rejection: the sweet and the bitter. Sage Publications.
• Leary, M. R. (2001). Interpersonal rejection. Oxford University Press.
• Sikazwe, H. C. (2018). Dealing with rejection and disappointments. Scribd.