How to help someone who is dealing with insecurity?

Insecurities is what a person experiences when they don’t feel safe in their own life because of a variety of possible reasons and their view of self, others and the world is affected.

It can span from something that is very small and doesn’t affect the livelihood of the person, like playing back an embarrassing moment from the day and then continuing on with their life, till an all consuming struggle which dictates every aspect of their life and makes them lose out on experiences, like insecurities about body image which makes them avoid people and work/school in order to not deal with their body image insecurities.

Insecurities are difficult to deal with by themself, so when someone has to deal with insecurities and they don’t have people to support them, it gets so much harder to manage for the person. It is extremely important for there to be people who can support the person and encourage them through their insecurities. Just the presence of people who are positive and uplifting can increase the chances of overcoming mental health struggles. While people who are experiencing social loneliness or unsupportiveness tend to be at a higher risk for physical and mental health issues, with their mental health issues getting worse with lack of social support. (Social Connection Linked to Improved Health and Reduced Risk of Early Death, 2025).

How does one support/help a person dealing with insecurities?

Don’t dismiss their digs and reframe their negative self-talks: When they say self-deprecating things, even if in a slightly funny tone, try to not go along with it or continue on with the joke. These could indicate a deeper issue which is manifesting in their daily conversations. These could also be directed at others, such as making racist or sexist comments.

Recognize the patterns and talk with them about it: If you notice that their topics of self-negative jokes or talks are revolving around a specific topic or have any definitive patter, if they have a specific way of responding to any topics which could indicate insecurities in that area, bring it up with them. The person might not be aware of the fact that their insecurities have affected them so much that it has started to show up in their daily life or that they have a pattern. But make sure that you are bringing it up and addressing it gently and in love with patience, empathy and care. (1 Corinthians 16:14 "Do everything in love.")

Make sure to not dismiss their feelings and to be open to what they are saying, offer support: Do not criticise or judge them for feeling the way that they feel. Telling a person who feels like they are ugly, “Hey! Don’t say that. You aren’t ugly. You are the most beautiful person I know”, might not help, even if you are being truthful. Listen to them, ask them that you are there to help them through the process of overcoming this insecurity. At the end of the day, it is their journey to take, you can only help.

Feel free to ask them what they feel and what they would like from you: Understand that you don't know how to read minds and need communication. Ask them what they are feeling, in what situations, what would help them through the times their insecurities catch them off guard, and how to help them push past their insecurities at times in a healthy manner. Make sure to do it all with love and care for them, not from a place of superiority.

Involve them in situations where they can make a good contribution and acknowledge their efforts: Notice their strengths and involve them in things where their presence will make a positive difference so that their morale and self-worth gets boosted up. Acknowledge the things they’ve achieved with the focus on them as a person. Focusing too much on their works and not their efforts or a character can make them derive their value from their works.

Encourage personal growth and self-care: Make sure to encourage your friend/partner to partake in things that they have a high level of interest in and could become interested in. Give them nudges to indulge in self-care so that they can get used to being in their own company and enjoy that. It also allows them to develop a more positive outlook on life and self.

Remind them of their character and why you love them: Let them know the person and character centric reasons as to why you appreciate and love them. Even when pointing out an issue, do it with more of a loving correction approach. Avoid comparisons with other people, “why can’t you be more like__?” or “You can learn a lot from __”. It causes more harm than good.

Be consistent in your words and actions: Your actions and words will affect your friend/partner a lot because of their relationship with you and the value they have placed on you as a person in their life. For example, If you have assured them that you love them despite their appearance, don’t make jokes of their appearance later.

Learn together on their insecurities and your own and what you need from each other: (Matthew 7:3 "Why do you see the speck in your neighbour's eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?") Be open to recognizing your own insecurities in this process of helping your friend/partner through theirs. Invite them into this space of healing with you (not through you). This also increases chances of them opening up and being vulnerable with you.

Recognize you aren’t a bad friend/partner: If your friend/partner doesn’t open up to you or wish to take up what you are offering, it doesn’t make you a bad friend/partner, no matter how frustrating it can get. It is frustrating because you care about them. But, there are times when you have to realise that they might just need you to be there by their side and give them love and treat them how you always do while they take this journey towards healing on their own. If they welcome you into their healing later, enter and help them. If not, keep letting them know through your actions and presence that they aren’t alone, you are waiting just outside the door and cheering for them.

Prioritise your mental health too: You can’t help a person effectively if you yourself aren’t feeling good about yourself. Make sure to recognize where your own journey is affecting your ability to help your friend or where your helping your friend/partner is wearing down on your mental health and communicate that. Take care of yourself and come back to this role when you feel like it would be fine for you.

Prioritise healthy communication and healthy boundaries: You need to be clear in your communication of what their needs are, your needs are, how to achieve it, etc. with regular checkins. If your friend/partner dealing with insecurities shows behaviours of emotional abuse, manipulation, making you feel bad about yourself, get you into unhealthy behaviours, being unwilling to work on their insecurities or interfering in your ability to live your life, and these behaviours continue despite you talking to them and expressing your feelings to them, then you need to make the decision to suggest they get more objective, professional help and remove yourself out of the equation and erect proper boundaries as much as it would help you.

Encourage seeking professional help: If things aren’t getting better or keep cycling back to how things were before, make sure to encourage your friend/partner to seek professional help. That doesn’t make you incapable or a bad person who doesn’t care. It just means you don’t have the specific skills that your friend/partner needs and you care about them enough to encourage them to get the help they require from people who have spent years learning these specific skills.

The fact that you care enough to know more about them, their struggles and wanting to help them shows your friend/partner where your heart is and makes a huge difference in their mind and mental health journey. So, keep showing love and let them choose where to go from there.

References:

• Mansell, J., & Gatto, M. A. C., (2022). Insecurity and self-esteem: Elucidating the psychological foundations of negative attitudes toward women. Politics & Gender, 19, 1-26. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1743923X22000083.
• PsyD, S. S. (2025, April 8). How to Deal with an Insecure Person: 16 Tips. wikiHow.
• Simply Psychology. (2023, December 7). From Clingy to Confident: How To Support An Insecure Partner.
• Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death. (2025, June 30). World Health Organization.