How to build and maintain healthy relationships

Knowing what loneliness is, possible causes for it, being able to differentiate it from solitude and social isolation, knowing how it can show up in people, and knowing how to be there for a friend who is experiencing loneliness all helps. But what next? What happens after the recognition and initial overcoming?

The next thing is learning how to overcome loneliness. Loneliness isn’t a physical ailment to be able to take medicines and overcome. It is a state of mind. So knowing the specific cause for your loneliness is imperative. We have already seen what the possible causes for loneliness can be.

So, the first step towards overcoming loneliness, is to examine yourself. Look at your own life, recognise where it seems to make the sadness inside you grow. Is it when you look at the lack of close friendships? Is it when you notice the lack of a romantic partner to support you through life? Is it when you look at your friendships and realise that you've outgrown them and they don’t meet your values anymore? Is it when you think about how your current job doesn’t meet your purpose? Sit with your feelings, go through every area of your life and really observe where these feelings of loneliness stem from and follow it to the root. Root of wanting a deep intimate friendship, wanting to build a family or experience love, etc. The root is what we need to work on to achieve lasting change.

Once the root has been identified, we know what it is that you are looking for that is making you experience loneliness. Wanting these deep connections isn’t a wrong thing. We have been made to want deep connection with people (Genesis 2:18 "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"). The issue arises with not knowing how to build this deep connection or maintain the relationships once you have established them.

So how does one develop new relationships or maintain relationships intentionally?

Understanding your communication style and what needs to be improved: Having a good friend or family member who has observed you and getting their honest feedback about what needs to be worked on with regards to your communication style, such as conversation topics, body language, tone, modulation, etc.

Have a conversation role model: Having someone that you admire in their way of conversing and inculcating those into the areas you were told you need to work on. It can feel a lot like acting in the beginning. But over time, it starts to feel more natural, especially as you get more comfortable and make it your own.

Get comfortable talking to God: When there is a level of comfort, conversations can become easier. (Psalm 23:4- "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.") He is always with you and He cares about everything you say. Getting used to talking to your constant Father and Friend, helps make it easier to talk to others.

Listen to people to understand them: Try to not rush talking to people, let people talk about themself, and where there are common interests, new conversation branches can be developed where you can contribute. It is a 2 way street. Practice with people you are already comfortable with to practice listening. It is also helpful to help you recognise people who are good for you from people who could hurt you or make your situation worse.

Boundaries are healthy: Boundaries are highly important to ensure you aren’t burning yourself out trying to impress others. It is important to grow from your comfort zone, but in a direction that adds to you as a person, not takes away from it. Make sure to let good friends know that socialization can take a lot out of you and needs to be done with intentionality and patience.

Engage in new social hobbies: Take a pottery class, go on a hike, join online classes for skill development, social events and meet ups or local causes, where you will have opportunities to engage with people who are all new to each other and you will feel confident because you are doing something impactful. You can take your good friends so that you can make new memories and still be intentionally social with them.

Double the exercise: join exercise groups so you work on your health, get a dose of endorphins and meet new people or go with your friend to strengthen your friendship.

Intentional effort: Schedule time once or twice every week to connect with friends/family and build meaningful relationships. This is also beneficial for maintaining relationships. Be consistent by honoring the commitments made to people.

Build comfortability using check-in phrases: Phrases such as “How are you doing today?” “How has your day been?”, etc. can make a person feel valued and can help maintain relationships.

Practice more volunteering work: Volunteering and helping others can make people feel cared for and build a good relationship or strengthen a pre-existing one.

Be mindful of your social capacity: Make sure to not over extend yourself while committing to events or plans. Also leave extra time before and after social interactions to decompress.

Build your relationship with God: Your loneliness can take a back seat when you recognize that you are never truly alone. God is always with you and He cares about every single detail of your life. (Isaiah 41:10—"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God"). You can even ask for God to work on this area of your loneliness and social relationships. He will help you with it. (Philippians 4:6-7 “ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." )

Seek help: If your feelings of loneliness persist or if you have persistent issues with building or maintaining relationships, it is best to seek our professional help. Counsellors and therapists are trained to help out with these kinds of situations. (Hebrews 10:24-25"consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another." )

Overcoming loneliness and building strong relationships can be hard, but it is not impossible. Especially with God and professional hope being for you.

References:

• Godard, M. (2025, December 10). What Loneliness Does to the Brain: Effects on Cognitive & Mental Health. Creyos. https://creyos.com/blog/social-isolation
• Hernandez, R. (2019, August 6). Leaving a Biblical Legacy in the Workplace | All The More: Collective Blog - A blog collective. All the More: Collective Blog.
• Reid, S. (2025, January 16). Loneliness and Social isolation - HelpGuide.org. HelpGuide.org.