How do I deal with rejection?

God’s design for relationships stems from His own relationship in the trinity. He has made mankind to be in communion with Him and with other people. We have seen this design be prevalent throughout the Bible.

But, when we have to work out the connection with other people, it can be a more cautious task when the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another person gets involved.

This is where rejection can take place. Rejection refers to the negative or indifferent response to the efforts of a person to build lasting relationships.

In the previous section, we have seen the various ways people can react, consciously or subconsciously, to facing rejection. All of those reactions can progress even further, if rejection has been experienced multiple times.

But, God’s design for relationships and mankind’s need for connection with God and mankind’s healthy connections with other humans has been consistent.

Yet, with the abundance of distractions available, God has been placed on the back burner. This leaves the human to God connection unfulfilled.

With the development of mobile applications, social media, and hustle culture there are so many ways in which human beings can be connected. But, there is a loss of meaningful interpersonal connection and an abundance of superficial connections. Leaving the human to human connection unmet.

So, there is an even greater hunger for connection among people. The impact of rejection is, therefore, much more intense and is much easier to experience.

It is, hence, very important to know how to handle rejection and build healthy lasting relationships, because what has been hurt by a relationship can be healed by relationship.

The steps to building healthy and lasting relationships has been clarified in the Loneliness set of articles.

In this section, we shall answer the question of “How do I deal with rejection?”

Rejection can be a slightly uncomfortable learning experience or a brutal heartbreaking experience, based on the value placed on the relationship that one was trying to build.

While some people experience rejections occasionally in their lives, some people can experience daily rejection and reminders of rejection which saps the life out of a person. But, no matter the kind of situation one finds themself in, there is a need for the skills to be able to deal with the rejection one faces, no matter how intense or frequent.

It is important that we start on this journey towards healing from rejection with a few truths in mind. The truth is that all relationships take effort in the form of energy, time and maybe even money. The truth that the change begins with you, whether the change in you means change in others or just change in you and a newness within your own thinking. The truth that the effort and change is not in vain, even if the relationship gets rejected, there is a learning that has been obtained which means that there was a fruit to the efforts put in and the changes made.

From these truths, we understand that all relationships require proactive effort and change which arises from us. The same way God the Father took the effort to send God the Son, Jesus, down for us, changing His place from being on the throne with the Father to being on earth and taking on the worst possible death, without expecting any change from humans. The Father also sent God the Holy Spirit from His place with the Father to dwell in the ones who have changed their hearts to believe in God and help us.

So, with this understanding, let us look at the efforts you need to take to bring about the change in how you deal with rejection.

• We start with forgiveness: There are a variety of different ways in which you can choose to respond when you experience rejection. But, we are called to be more Christ-like daily and Christ forgave people (Ephesians 4:32: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you".) Forgiveness is an active choice. Rejection can affect how we perceive the person rejecting us. The more hurtful it is, the harder it is to view the person with love or neutrality. Rejection can even change our perspective about ourselves. When these negative perspectives and feelings about others and ourselves are allowed to co-exist with us, it can lead to the development of unforgiveness towards others and towards ourself. So, to ensure that we effectively move past the experience, we need to learn to forgive ourselves and others for any responsibility in the situation. When we forgive, we effectively remove any and all control that the experience had over us. This includes the effects of the negative perspectives and feelings. It doesn’t necessarily mean that the person or the situation will change. But, it definitely helps with not letting those factors affect all areas of your life.
• Remove yourself from being able to hurt them: Do not let yourself be in a place where you are going to constantly be hurt and tempted to exact revenge. Our role is to forgive, because Jesus forgives us. The judgement of the person is meant to be left in the hands of God (Romans 12:19: Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written, “It is mine to avenge; I will repay.”).
• Recognize proximity is equal to intensity: The closer a person is to the heart, the easier it is for them to hurt that very heart. (Psalm 55:12-13: “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend”). Rejection from people who you are close to can hurt deeper and longer, even if their rejection was smaller compared to others. This recognition allows you to be a little patient in reacting, so that you can reassess what the issue is and respond in a healthier manner.
• Become aware of healthy boundaries: Forgiveness doesn’t mean an open sign into your life and heart again, especially if they are actively choosing to hurt you. It is important to establish boundaries and say no to certain things and people.(Matthew 5:35: All you need to say is simply “Yes” or “No”; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.). Situations like abuse from parents (rejection of parental affection) might require forgiveness and strong boundaries while situations like not getting chosen for a job role at your office might require only forgiveness and learning. Boundaries provide definition and protection to both parties involved (Proverbs 4:23 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”).
• Practice mindfulness: The human mind has a tendency to hold onto the negative experience of being rejected and tries to prevent that experience from happening again by trying to notice and one up the pattern of rejection in other relationships and situations. But a lot of times, this prevents us from living in the moment and hurts more than it helps our relationships. So, intentionally practicing various mindfulness tactics and being present in the moment, taking attention away from the assumption of patterns can, over time, help us with being present in a relationship instead of assuming rejection and shutting down.
• Recognize the impact of the hurts that you have experienced: The hurts that we’ve experienced through rejection tend to leave a mark on us despite our forgiveness of ourselves and the person who rejected us. So, understanding the hurt, the thoughts that came up because of it and the ways it shows up in your daily life can make a huge difference in the trajectory of how you deal with rejection.

  For example, Mr. A was rejected from being the lead on a project at the office. The hurt was on Mr. A’s competency. Mr. A’s thoughts could be along the lines of, “ My boss thinks I am so bad at my job which is why I was passed by”. Now, this thought could impact Mr. A so badly that it can show up in his daily life in different ways. Like if he accidentally forgot to add a column, before the rejection he might’ve brushed it off, but now his thoughts could be “I’m so incompetent at even these basic things, no wonder they passed me for the role of lead in that project. I’m such a failure. I should just leave this job. Everyone probably hates me for taking up this job that someone who is more skilled and fit for this role should be fulfilling. Gosh, everyone is judging every mistake I make, no one likes me here, everyone hates me.” etc. These thoughts impact Mr. A’s actions. Due to these thoughts, Mr. A shows up for meetings and doesn’t participate, doesn’t talk to people in the office, doesn’t volunteer for projects anymore, doesn’t put in as much effort at work anymore, makes more errors reinforcing these thoughts, until his thoughts become real and the thoughts become concrete beliefs.

  The jump in the thoughts could be very fast but can also be gradual making it even more difficult to recognize the negative thoughts. So, it is very important to recognize the thoughts and beliefs that might have developed in us after facing rejection.

• Grieve your losses: Knowing how much has been happening behind the scenes due to rejection can make you feel like a lot of time, energy and effort has been stolen from you without your permission. A lot of the grief also remains because we may not have resolved their feelings about the rejection itself. So grieve it and let it go.
• Work on the thoughts: Like in Mr. A’s case, we tend to have thoughts associated with the experience of rejection which may be extremely unhealthy or completely implausible which we tend to believe. So working on changing those thoughts can help with letting go of the rejection and moving forward. These negative thoughts aren’t God’s will for our lives (Romans 12:2 (NIV): "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will"). So replacing “I’m incompetent and therefore unworthy” to “Anyone can experience rejection, so it is not something hat defines me” can change so much within the mind.
• Seek acceptance from safe people and from God: It is important that we seek people who are safe and also turn to God for the meeting of our need for acceptance and community. When people actually accept you and pour out love into you, it can help overcome the feelings of rejection. When we believe the unconditional love of God, His forgiveness and His acceptance of us, it can help dispel the feelings of rejection and self-worth issues.
• Seek help where needed: Community doesn’t just mean the people you’ve built relationships with. God has placed counselors, doctors and other professionals in different fields for the sake of the betterment of the community as a whole. So it is important to seek out help when it feels like the feelings and symptoms of rejection aren’t getting any better and/or it is affecting your daily functioning. (1 Peter 4:10 “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms").

Dealing with rejection can feel like an uphill battle, but there is hope in the things you can do, in the people that care about you and a God who died for you and accepts you wholly.

References:

• Bethel, R. (2025, June 23). We’re designed for connection, so what makes it so hard? iBelieve.com.
• Rising, D. G., Rohner, R. P., & Rohner Research Publications. (2022). Recovery from Rejection: A Manual of client handouts for clinical practice (Third Edition 1.0). Rohner Research Publications.
• Sikazwe, H. C. (2018). Dealing with rejection and disappointments. Scribd.