How do I deal with my Anger?

Anger is a powerful emotion that everyone experiences at some point in their lives. Whether it’s a sudden outburst triggered by frustration or simmering resentment building over time, anger can significantly affect our mental and physical health. When left unchecked, it can lead to poor decisions, strained relationships, and even health problems. However, anger itself is not inherently harmful; it’s how we manage it that determines its effect on our lives. Anger is natural, but it must be controlled. Galatians 5:22-23 describes the fruit of the Spirit, which includes “self-control.” Anger management involves cultivating this quality to resist impulsive reactions and respond thoughtfully.

Identify and understand the signs:

Understanding what gets you annoyed or irritated is crucial. James 1:5 encourages, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” Understanding our thoughts often requires God's wisdom to discern and direct our minds. We are invited to ask Him for insight into our thinking and decision-making. Once you sense that you are experiencing such emotions, take a step back and remove yourself from that situation. Try different relaxation techniques that may help cool you down; for example - taking deep breaths, counting from 1-50, humming a song that you like, repeating key phrases to yourself, like ‘stay calm’, ‘it’ll be okay’.

Keep a check on your thoughts:

We may tend to think of the situation worse than what it actually is. Training your mind to not catastrophize, and not think of the difficult situation as ‘the end of the world’ will help us in finding a way to navigate through it. Focusing on the facts without distorting reality with our thoughts would work towards our benefit during such situations. Proverbs 4:23 advises, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Our thoughts are the foundation of our actions and attitudes, so it is crucial to be intentional about what we allow to occupy our minds.

Dwelling on the past:

If an issue has been solved, it is best not to bring it back up. Instead, letting go and appreciating the good and positive things that came out of it would be a more productive direction towards dealing with anger. 2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” Through Christ, we are made new. Our past, whether filled with sin or sorrow, does not define us anymore. God has created us as new beings, and we are called to live in the freedom of our new identity in Christ. Matthew 6:34 encourages, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Jesus reminds us not to dwell on future uncertainties or past regrets, but to trust God for each day and focus on living fully in the present.

Communicate:

Take some time to think and communicate rather than saying what directly pops up first in your head. It may also help to take a step back from the situation and come back to it at a later time when your mind is able to think straight, without letting the emotions do too much of the talking. Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

This verse emphasizes the importance of speaking truth, but doing so with love and kindness. It encourages honesty but also reminds us to be gentle and considerate, so our words build others up rather than tear them down.

Also, it is extremely important to make sure that both sides are ready to have a conversation. Otherwise it may make things worse, instead of coming to an agreement or a solution. Proverbs 18:21 states, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Our words have great power. They can either encourage and uplift or harm and destroy. This verse highlights the responsibility we have in using our words wisely, as they can deeply impact the lives of others.

Give yourself a break:

If you have had a particularly long, tiring and stressful day, take some time for yourself to relax and unwind. Give yourself some personal time, before moving into the next task at hand. This allows your mind to restructure itself and get ready without feeling too much pressure.

Isaiah 40:29-31 states, “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Rest, particularly in the presence of God, brings renewal and strength. When we rest in God and trust Him, He restores our energy and enables us to continue our work and life’s tasks with renewed vigor.

Understand the underlying emotion:

Psalm 142:2 says, “I pour out before him my complaint; before him I tell my trouble.” The Psalms are full of examples of people expressing their raw emotions to God—whether it be anger, frustration, sadness, or fear. The Bible encourages us to honestly bring our feelings before God, knowing that He is compassionate and cares about our emotional struggles. Lamenting is not a sign of weakness but a form of trusting God with our deepest feelings. Understanding whether the emotion is actually anger or not helps in figuring out the solution towards the emotion. Anger may be masking sadness, disappointment, frustration or annoyance. Acknowledging the emotion would help us get to the root of the problem and come up with an ideal solution. Proverbs 16:32 says, “Better a patient person than a warrior, those with self-control than those who take a city.” The Bible teaches the importance of self-control and patience in managing our emotions. While emotions are a natural part of life, wisdom calls us to exercise restraint and control over them. Rather than reacting impulsively, we are encouraged to respond thoughtfully and with patience.

Get help:

Speaking to a mental health professional will help if Anger is causing too much of a problem in your day to day life. Therapy can help you identify triggers, root causes and figure out solutions that will work best for you. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” We are not meant to live in isolation. The Bible teaches that we are designed to live in community and help one another. It’s wise to seek help from others when we are struggling or facing challenges, and it’s important to be ready to help others when they are in need.

Managing anger is a lifelong practice that involves self-awareness, patience, and dedication. By recognizing the signs of anger early, practicing relaxation techniques, and learning to reframe negative thoughts, you can reduce the intensity and impact of your emotions. Remember that it's okay to seek professional help if needed and to be kind to yourself as you work toward healthier emotional responses. With time and effort, you can transform your anger from a source of stress into an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. Take it one step at a time, and embrace the journey to a calmer, more peaceful you.

(All information in this article is Public Domain)

References:

• American Psychological Association. “Controlling Anger — before It Controls You.” American Psychological Association, 3 Mar. 2022.
• American Psychological Association. “Strategies for Controlling Your Anger: Keeping Anger in Check.” Apa.org, 2021.