Grief and Its Stages
Grief is a natural and deeply personal response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something to which a person has formed a strong emotional attachment. While most commonly associated with the death of a loved one, grief can also result from other significant life changes such as divorce, job loss, illness, or the end of a meaningful relationship.
Grieving is a complex process that affects individuals emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually. There is no "right" way to grieve—people experience and express grief differently based on their personality, culture, beliefs, and the nature of the loss.
One of the most well-known frameworks for understanding grief is the Five Stages of Grief, introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book "On Death and Dying." These stages are not linear and not everyone experiences all of them, but they offer a helpful model for recognizing common responses to loss.
One of the most common defence mechanisms - Denial - is the first stage of grief. It is the initial shock and disbelief that the loss has occurred. In this stage, the person cannot believe that the precipitating event has happened, along with the consequences of the event, and is holding on to a false ‘imagined’ reality. It is a temporary state that the individual resorts to inorder to allow themselves to adequately process the grief. It acts as a defense mechanism to buffer the immediate pain of loss.
When Denial does not help the individual cope through this season, the frustration, helplessness, and outrage turns to Anger; the second stage. The individual starts becoming more irritable, lashing out at others, and would be looking for something or someone to blame for the situation. Anger provides an emotional outlet and can be a bridge to facing deeper emotions.
Bargaining then becomes the third stage. The individual would want to negotiate with hopes to avoid the grief. They would want to make a compromise in order to seek a better outcome for the situation or reverse the loss. The person could start negotiating with God, bargain for more time, or would want a second chance to make things right. This stage reflects the struggle to regain control and prevent further loss.
Deep sadness and a sense of emptiness as the reality of the loss sets in, leading to the fourth stage - Depression. This stage allows the individual to acknowledge the depth of the loss and for further emotional processing. They recognise the reality as it is, and would normally be experiencing deep grief, and spending time in mourning.
The fifth stage of Acceptance, is the last and final stage where the individual finally comes to terms with the loss and finding a way to move forward. “This is my new reality, and I will find a way to live with it,” and “it’s going to be okay” statements start forming and the individual embraces the reality. Acceptance does not mean forgetting, but rather integrating the loss into life.
The stages of grief provide a valuable lens through which we can understand the complex and often overwhelming emotions that follow loss. Though each person’s path through grief is unique, these stages remind us that what we’re feeling is a natural part of the healing process. Grief may not follow a predictable timeline, but by acknowledging our pain and giving ourselves permission to feel, we take meaningful steps toward acceptance and emotional recovery. By allowing ourselves and others the space to grieve in our own time and way, we foster resilience, empathy, and ultimately, hope for renewal after loss.
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References:
- Kübler-Ross E (1969). On Death and Dying. Routledge.