Dealing with Insecurity

Security is the foundation of the life of every being. From the smallest of organisms to the largest of creatures, security is necessary to keep developing and growing. Human beings are not exempt from this desire. We seek security in different areas at different ages, shelter as an infant, friendship as a teen, job security as a young adult, etc.

Erik Erickson talks about this in his psychosocial theory of human development. As infants (0-18 months), children seek security in trusting others for their safety and provisions as the new world seems threatening to them but when caregivers properly take care of them, they develop trust and, if parents don’t, they continue the outlook of the world being a threat and are uncertain about the world and people around them. When toddlers (18 months- 3 years), the child seeks security in taking care of themself, Eating and pottying on their own, but if there is yelling when making a mess or if the parent doesn’t let them practice eating and pottying on their own, they could become uncertain and doubt their own abilities and keep relying on their parents. At preschool ages (3-5 years), children seek security in their imaginations and curiosities. If it is entertained and encouraged by the parents, it builds confidence. But if the parents are not willing to encourage the child or treat them like a noisy child, they could develop a sense of guilt for their behaviors and curiosities and feel uncertain about their ability to be independent. In elementary school(5-13 years), the children look for security in social approval. They keep trying things their peers can do, a streak of competition, and they build new friendships. If they succeed in making friends and in doing the things their peers can do, they feel proud and confident, if they don’t they feel inferior and uncertain of applying themself. As teens (13-21 years), they seek security in their sense of belongingness and success. They start questioning who they are in society and who they can be and explore different roles. If they feel it fits well leads them to self-identity and if they fail leaves them confused and uncertain about themself and their future. As young adults (21-39 years), they seek relationship security. Success here allows them to develop feelings of love and learning to compromise for relationships. Painful rejections and hard breakups can lead to isolation and make them uncertain about their capacity to love and be loved. Adults(40-65 years) seek career security and life stability. This is where they work hard to develop a legacy and could go into volunteering work. This is also when children leave home, big career path changes could occur, so some might experience mid-life crises. Stability and solving the crisis develops a sense of care for the world and people around them. Instability or continued crisis can leave them feeling uninterested in people and the world around them and feel uncertain about their lack of purpose. As the elderly (65 and above years), they seek security in their life impact in their world and their achievements. Those who are successful feel fulfillment, those who fail feel despair at the years they’ve “wasted” and become uncertain about their life.

When we don’t get the security we need for any area at a specific age, that causes a level of uncertainty, inadequacy about ourselves, people, future and situation. This uncertainty is called Insecurity. It is when we have an unmet need or unresolved trauma which leaves us uncertain about our self, actions, abilities, etc. making us act from a place of fear or anxiety.

What are the common causes for insecurity?

Rejection: If someone has experienced rejection, it can lead to their views being shaken and causing insecurity. Such as rejection from a crush can make a person question their abilities to appear romantically interesting, or rejection from a college can make the person question their academic abilities.

Life situations: If the person’s life situations are worse than someone else and that person seems to be succeeding and has a hope for a better life than the person seems to have or could have, it can cause insecurity issues. Socio-economic status, development of the nation, family dynamics, gender, culture, etc can be causes of insecurities.

Comparison: It can be a cause too, especially if it was pointed out with context to something else, making the person focus more on their lack in that area than their other positives. This has become much more common with the boom of social media. For example, even if the person has been extremely happy with their painting skills, if they see the artwork of someone who is even better, it might make them focus more on all the flaws of their work, or if a person gets 95% marks but realise someone else has gotten 98%, it can make them focus more on the mistakes they’ve made.

Past Trauma or negative experience: surviving through a traumatic experience can cause the person’s self views to become very distorted. If a person has had an abusive or extremely strict family, they might believe they don’t deserve good things and actively avoid good situations overapologize like they did during the abuse, or try and overdo it with everything because anything less is not worthy, i.e., they are not worthy, or if a person had been through a car crash, they might doubt their driving skills, even if the crash wasn’t their fault, and not wish to drive at all.

Lack of supportive relationships: If the person has not had uplifting and positive relationships, it eats away at the person’s self worth and causes insecurities. If a person has only had friends who belittle them, they might believe that’s all they’re worth, and their self-worth in their own eyes will drop low and will maybe even avoid friendships altogether.

Neurodivergence: Certain neurodivergencies can be a reason for the insecurities maybe due to the possible constant difference between neurotypical and neurodivergent experiences. It definitely develops deeper if they were mocked for their neurodivergence.

Insecurity is not a weakness or a character flaw of those who experience it, because everyone experiences it. It is a universal human experience. Even among the ones who seem super perfect from the outside. The way we check our appearances in the mirrors/windows when we cross by them, try out a few outfits before we leave home because we don’t like how it looks on us even if it is clothes we’ve worn a dozen times before, how we look around to see if anyone saw us spill something, etc. These are all times where insecurity peeps out in small ways.

Even Peter was insecure about what the Jewish believers would say about him eating with the gentiles and was called out by Paul (Galatians 2:11-13). So, it is a common experience.

Insecurity does become an issue when it affects our day to day functions and influences our thoughts, choices and actions.

What are the ways insecurity can show up in a person?

Lack of self-confidence: The person’s mind is so clouded and filled with lies about themselves that their knowledge of their own self and their abilities which they believe in and, therefore, move into this state of being blocked from their confidence. (Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.)

Self doubt: These are the lies that cloud the mind of a person until they lose sight of who they actually are, what they are capable of, etc. (Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord... to give you a future and a hope")

Negative self-talk: The lies and wrong beliefs don’t stay within the mind, they flow into and out of the mouth. The negative beliefs the person has about themself comes out when they talk about themself. Making extreme but seemingly small comments “Ugh! I’m so dumb I don’t even know why I exist” when they make a trivial mistake, or joking about themself in a very depreciating way. (Luke 6:45“Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks”)

Comparison: If comparison wasn’t the cause, it can be an effect of insecurity’s existence in someone. Focusing more on the lack of their situation instead of the abundance they do have. (Galatians 6:4 “Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”)

Seeking external validation and people pleasing: Wanting the approval of people so as to avoid their negative thoughts about themselves, due to the extreme levels of wanting to not be rejected. (Galatians 1:10, “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”)

Fear of rejection and failure: When the person has insecurities they believe that they aren’t enough of whatever they need to be for that specific role, i.e., capable enough for that job, smart enough for that exam, funny enough for that friend, etc. and that they will be rejected or that they will fail, even before trying.(Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”)

Avoidance of challenges: Due to the strong fear of rejection and failure the person might just not attempt certain things. If a person has self-doubt about their speaking skills, they believe that their skills aren’t good enough for a debate competition and they might not try for it, without ever knowing if they really aren’t skilled enough. (Isaiah 41:13 “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear.”)

Over-apologizing: Due to the extreme low view of their self-worth and, so, have a much higher view of other people, they apologize for every small thing, even if it wasn’t their fault. (Galatians 5:14 “For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”)

Difficulty accepting compliments: Believing that they don’t deserve the compliments because the other person probably doesn’t mean it because of their own views of themself. (1 Corinthians 4:7 "For who sees anything different in you? What do you have that you did not receive? If then you received it, why do you boast as if you did not receive it?")

Social withdrawal: Social gatherings could be very nerve wracking for people who struggle with insecurities because they are hyper aware of every person around them and worry that they are being judged and made fun of. There might not be any valid reason for them to think of this. But because their mind is so used to making a mockery of them, they start believing everyone is like that too. This belief makes them avoid social interactions to avoid this and the rejection they believe they will definitely receive.(Hebrews 10:25 “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”)

Overcompensation: Sometimes a person doesn’t even seem like they are insecure, might even seem like the exact opposite and can come across as extremely confident, even arrogant. But, they are just trying their level best to cover up their insecurity by being overconfident and even putting so much effort into covering up their insecurity. (2 Corinthians 12:9 “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”)

Perfectionism: All the fears and doubts in their mind could make them want to strive using their own strengths to do the best, be the best, so that they will not be rejected. They could obsessively plan and do things in order to achieve this. (Matthew 6:34 “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”)

Relationship issues: When the person with insecurities gets into a relationship, it can cause them to look to their partner for validation which can drain the partner, they might put down their partner to feel better which hurts the partner, they could be noncommittal in the relationship as a way to protect their heart from when their partner, as they believe, will eventually leave them, or they could be extremely jealous and possessive due to fear of losing them. (James 3:16: "For where there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there will be disorder and every vile practice".)

Difficulty making decisions: When the person gets so used to believing they aren’t capable or enough, they tend to not want to make decisions out of mistrust of themselves. (Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”)

Insecurities are a common human experience, but that doesn’t mean that one has to be dealing with it all their lives. By understanding how it has entered into your life, how it affects you and what it is you are working towards, definitely kickstarts overcoming it, which is something that we will be looking at in the other sections of this topic.

References:

• Anjum, S., Aijaz, A., & Department of Psychology, Aligarh Muslim University, Aligarh. (2009). A Study of Security-Insecurity Feelings among Adolescents in Relation to Gender and Socio-Economic Status. In Indian Journal of Psychological Science: Vol. V–5 (Issue No. 1, pp. 13–18) [Journal-article].
• F. Young, I., Sullivan, D., Hart, J., & Palitsky, R. (2021, January 1). Insecurity Orientations: a person-centered approach to existential concerns. Science Direct. Retrieved November 12, 2025, from
• Gould, W. R. (2024, December 27). 9 Subtle Ways You Seem Insecure Without Realizing It. Verywell Mind.
• Greenberg, M., PhD. (2015, December 7). 15 tools to help you bounce back when you’re feeling down about yourself. Psychology Today.
• Gupta, S. (2025, October 28). Why am I so insecure? Causes and coping strategies. Verywell Mind.

(All information in this article is Public Domain)