Coping Mechanisms and Recovery in Betrayal

The road to recovery won't be the same for everyone. A lot of unpleasant memories may keep resurfacing especially if something triggers them. This may cause us to push or block these memories, but that will not help us heal. But there are certain steps we can take to work towards our recovery. Betrayal may bring about certain defense and coping mechanisms from an individual - an individual may go through denial, can be overwhelmed by sadness, anger or pain, the individual may try to bargain with the situation to try to change the outcome of the situation, it may also lead to depression, shock or even acceptance.

Everyone would have a different reaction towards betrayal, and that would also depend on many factors. Here, we would be discussing a few things that we can do to help ourselves get through this difficult phase.

Coming to terms with what has happened is the first step to healing. Acknowledging the trauma might be painful but it helps in starting the process, and finding out ways to navigate through the triggers, and other issues. Take time to grieve. The relationship will undoubtedly change, so it is okay to take some time to grieve about what’s been lost.

Avoiding distressing emotions also won’t do us any good. It’s natural for us to avoid certain emotions that cause us distress, like shame, grief, humiliation, regret or vengefulness, but the more we avoid the more it becomes difficult for us to regulate. Being aware of these emotions will help us to cope with them more productively, rather than denying and suppressing them, which may result in prolonged emotional distress and manifestation of physical symptoms of stress - e.g: headaches, lack of sleep.

Trust is often shattered during betrayal, and regaining it can be one of the most challenging aspects of recovery. Rebuilding trust is a gradual process. It begins with self-trust—learning to trust one’s own instincts and boundaries again. It may also involve setting healthy boundaries in future relationships to make sure similar incidents do not repeat themselves again.

Confiding in others may be difficult, but having emotional support is crucial during this period. The companionship and emotional support that can be provided is extremely helpful. Spending time with our loved ones can help with the distraction that may be needed at that point. Support from friends, family, or support groups plays a critical role in the healing process.

Focus on yourself. The best thing would be to give yourself some time to recover and to heal. Betrayal often causes emotional upheaval, which can be taxing on both mental and physical well-being. Doing things you love, focusing on your hobbies and self-care, keeping your body physically fit would really help in recovery for your mental health too. Acts of self compassion and self kindness can help an individual better recover. Activities that promote relaxation and emotional regulation are encouraged.

Forgiveness is often misunderstood as condoning betrayal, but psychological research suggests that it is more about releasing oneself from the emotional burden of the event. Forgiveness does not require reconciliation but can involve letting go of resentment and choosing to move on for the sake of one's emotional well-being.

Meet with a professional. Professional support would help you unpack the trauma in a systematic way, and help you identify areas in which you can work on and improve, develop healthier strategies and rebuild your self-esteem. It is also better to sort through the problems before they start to affect your day to day activities. Cognitive reframing, a technique of CBT involves changing the way one perceives betrayal. Rather than seeing the experience solely as an attack or a flaw in oneself, reframing involves understanding it as a situation that can be learned from.

Recovery from betrayal is a multifaceted process that involves both emotional and cognitive strategies. Acknowledging emotions, rebuilding trust, engaging in self-care, reframing thoughts, and exploring forgiveness are all essential coping mechanisms for healing. Seeking professional support and building a strong social network are also crucial steps toward healing. By using these coping strategies, individuals can regain their sense of control and move forward with greater emotional strength.

(All information in this article is Public Domain)

References:

• Beck, A. T. (2011). Cognitive therapy: Basics and beyond (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
• Enright, R. D. (2001). Forgiveness is a choice: A step-by-step process for resolving anger and restoring hope. American Psychological Association.
• Mayer, R. C., Davis, J. H., & Schoorman, F. D. (1995). An integrative model of organizational trust. Academy of Management Review.
• Wilson, D. R., & Raypole, C. (2020, November 13). Betrayal Trauma: Signs and How to Start Healing. Healthline.