Common insecurities and how to overcome them

As we have seen in the other sections of this article series, there is a lot that goes on behind insecurities. A person with insecurities definitely needs social support and help. But, one can’t help them and neither can they help themselves if they don’t know the kind of insecurities they are facing. It can get hard trying to differentiate between regular nervousness and insecurities too sometimes.

What are the signs of insecurities in a person?

Criticising other people: People with insecurities can criticise or find faults with other people in order to feel good about themself and their situation. But they do end up feeling guilty for their actions/words which makes them feel worse and even more insecure in the long run. Making it a downward spiral.

Worrying about the future: Planning ahead and problem solving is different from worrying about the future to the point of unhelpful extreme negative thinking. These kinds of thoughts keep us stuck in our spots and prevent us from moving further or growing as a person. We might think that it is helpful to think of these things but if these thoughts aren’t followed with preparation and growth and instead fills us with fear, it is unproductive. Thinking and worrying about the future gives us the illusion of control but we are truly not in control. (Luke 12: 25-26 “Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?”)

Not saying no (no boundaries): People dealing with insecurities might struggle to say no or put up healthy or any boundaries with people because they are afraid of losing the people. This behaviour of saying yes to things without taking into consideration the needs of self, the brain begins to learn that their own needs and wants are not as important as that of the other person. This learning makes them even more insecure, making them even less likely to say no and the cycle continues.

Excessive positivity: People who are insecure can move towards operating from a place of excessive positivity. It stems from a place of denial and avoidance. It can hurt the ability of the person to form lasting interpersonal relationships.

Seeking external reassurance, validation and approval: Looking to other people for reassurance on things, validation of behavior and approval of thoughts is something that a lot of people who deal with insecurities tend to do. This is unhealthy because it trains the brain to believe they aren’t capable of doing things, even thinking, on their own. (Galatians 1:10 "For am I now seeking the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ")

Passive aggressive communication: A lot of people with insecurities tend to go for passive aggressive styles of communication so that they don’t have to deal with confrontation and can avoid responsibility for their aggression.

Insecurity can feel like a sense of inadequacy, self-doubt and uncertainty, being filled with anxiety in one or more areas, second-guessing constantly, a regular want to beat yourself up for being incapable or making a mistake (no matter how small), feeling like you are an annoyance to people around you, fear has become your constant companion in all or a lot of areas of your life, feelings of being inadequate. It makes you see yourself like a really incapable, inadequate bug under a microscope that everyone is judging.

What are common insecurities faced by people?

There are a lot of different areas where a person may experience insecurity, but they can be broadly classified into the following types:

Body image/appearance: Any insecurity which relates to the appearance of a person.

Social: Insecurities rooted in social connections and how one is perceived socially.

Job: The kind of insecurity that arises with relation to one’s career.

Relationship: This is when the insecurities arise in regard to the relationship, how they are being perceived in the relationship and/or the other person of the relationship.

Intellectual: Any kind of insecurity which includes intelligence or capabilities of the person.

How to differentiate yourself from your insecurity?

It can be very easy to say “I am an insecure person” but it is very important to realise that a person with insecurity is not “an insecure person” but “a person struggling/dealing with insecurities”. Insecurity, no matter how debilitating, is not what defines us. It is just something that we struggle with and are working to overcome. Our worth, identity and ability has been joined to what Christ has done and His love for us. His seal of love is what defines us.(2 Corinthians 1:22 “set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come”). Overcoming the insecurities is also not something we need to fear or struggle against. (Romans 8:37 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.”).

Let’s look at a few practical ways to overcome insecurities:

Understand the roots of the insecurities: Explore what areas trigger negative emotions of fear, anxiety, stress, inadequacy, incapability, etc and why that area is a sore spot for you. Is that the area that your friends mocked you for in school? Is that the area that your parents always scolded you for? Is that the area where you experienced rejection from your crush? Understanding is the first step in healing and overcoming.

Reach out for closure: If the insecurities arise from loss of relationships or behaviors of others, and these are people who can be contacted, you can reach out for closure and see how it feels from there. Sometimes why an area of your life seems like a sore spot is because it has been an open wound for years. Getting closure, even if it is not a positive one, can help close the wound.

Recognize the negative thoughts and self-talk associated with your insecurities: Identifying the inner voice and the thoughts you have about yourself with regards to that area can guide you into understanding how you have subconsciously been strengthening your own insecurities.

Talk back to the bad voice: Once you’ve identified the negative self talk and thoughts (bad voice), it is important to talk back against that voice. For example, the negative thought is “I can never be as good as her”, the talk back can be, “I am made fearfully and wonderfully and for such a time as this with proper intentionality. I am good in my own ways, different from her”.

Set aside time to combat bad voice: Note down the bad voice’s words on your phone or notebook when you notice it and then set aside 10-15 minutes every night to write down the talk backs to all of those thoughts properly and then declare only the talk back version over yourself. This trains your brain on how to talk back to the bad voice and also tells your brain that it doesn’t have to suppress these thoughts when they come, like some people try to, but instead it just needs to note it down and trust that it'll be dealt with at an assigned time. It builds a habit of trust between the mind, brain and body.

Learn to not compare yourself: Making an intentional effort to not compare yourself to others and focusing more on your own good habits, positive abilities, etc. It will be difficult but trying to do that at the same time that you are combating bad voice helps. So, you spend some time writing down talk backs to the bad voice that you noted down and then finishing off with 3-5 good things about yourself.

Set achievable goals: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time-bound (SMART) goals which can help boost your reward hormone production each time you finish a task and make you feel good about yourself.

Start practicing mindfulness: Working on intentionally focusing on the present moment, and the people around you so that your focus is less on yourself and you no longer feel like the one being observed but as the one observing, which allows you to see how others might be feeling things similar to yourself and you can learn from them too.

Inculcate positive, uplifting habits into your daily functions: Small, sustainable things that don’t require a lot of energy, time or money, like getting off the bus one stop earlier and walking home while listening to your favourite feel good playlist, finding a coffee mall nearby and choosing a different shop in the mall to window shop in daily, choosing a color scheme on the ride home and making a mental or physical note of all the things that were the color of the day, etc. Just small things which can make you want to look forward to the day and the things you have to do.

Focus more on the positive things intentionally: What you give energy and focus to, is what takes up space in your mind. Focusing on the positive things fills you with positivity. (Philippians 4:8, “which says to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, or admirable”)

Involve yourself in new and/or positive hobbies: Things that you’ve always wanted to try or things that you know you are good at, The newness and/or the familiarity can make you feel really good about yourself and your achievements which will help combat insecurities.

Spend time with people who will uplift you: Good friendships which make you feel good about yourself, other people and the world are really important. (Proverbs 17:17, "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”) Friends who encourage you, bring in positivity, friends who do give you corrective criticism but in love, friends who don’t gossip or belittle others, who are happy for you, celebrate and mourn with you. Being around nice people makes you feel nice and you get better at handling your insecurities. People who hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself, try to distance yourself from them.

Partake in self-care: Taking time to pamper yourself, like watching your favourite comfort show on the weekend, putting on a face mask, going hard at the gym, taking a long shower, taking a walk on the beach, etc. Whatever self-care may look like for you, when you do it, reinforces to your brain that you matter and are valuable and helps with your insecurities.

Give it to God in prayer: He is our comforter and our strength. We can always trust that what we ask Him, He will hear us and make a way so that our lives may be a testimony for His glory. Insecurities are not from God but a real human struggle. He understands and will help us through it all. (Philippians 4:6-7: "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God".)

Seek out a therapist: Just because you can handle it on your own doesn’t mean you have to. Good friends take off a lot of your burden. Therapists learn and train for years to be able to take your burdens off you and help you to help yourself. (Proverbs 11:14: "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety").

Insecurities are hard, especially when they have been developing for a really long time. But, there is hope and there is help.

References:

• Acc, E. P. (2025, February 5). Stop being insecure: how to overcome insecurities and thrive. Better up.
• Greenberg, M., PhD. (2015, December 7). 15 tools to help you bounce back when you’re feeling down about yourself. Psychology Today.
• Kazi, S. (2025, October 31). Common insecurities: causes, symptoms, and how to manage them. The Best Mental Health Service Provider in Texas - Mid Cities Psychiatry.
• Wignall, N. (2023, June 8). 6 Habits of highly insecure people. Nick Wignall.